If the leading teachers in the Hebrew Roots Movement received the same heart-breaking emails I get from some readers here, I wonder what they would say? Another came through a few days ago, nearly word for word what many before have shared with me, and pleaded for help to know what to do. Nearly all of them describe a drastic change in personality of the person who has become Torah observant.
My spouse’s beliefs have caused a major problem with our family, children,…. our marriage. The holidays are torture. The Sabbath Day usually leads to a battlefield. And our children are stuck in the middle. My spouse’s personality has changed from a loving, happy, and fun person to one of self-righteousness, strictness, and generally being very serious/dark.
I really wish I could make it all better, heal the hurts, and save the children from broken relationships and skewed ideas of their Father in heaven. Can you imagine the husband or wife of a new convert writing a letter like this to the Apostle Paul? Was this the wake he left behind him on his missionary journeys? Even Paul, who could write very direct confrontational words, still maintained that love was the highest and best expression of God in this world. Romans 12, I Corinthians 13, Galatians 5, to name just a few chapters, highlight his exhortations to walk in love. The religion that gradually developed around the early Christian teachings also became enamored with law-based thinking, and the corresponding fruit came with it. I do not believe the church has worked this out of its system overall. Protestants brought the same dictatorial mindset to the New World and through many heinous methods, imposed their “salvation” upon the First Nations already living here. To this day the gospel is often shared with the Law of God as the basis, rather than the Love of God. We fight for the 10 Commandments to be kept on government buildings because we are a “Christian” nation. Yet where do we see the teaching of Jesus etched in stone anywhere? Why is Moses still getting top billing in a Christian nation?
So I’m not going to pick on just those pesky “law-keepers” out there. The shortfall in our concept of what Jesus did, and is for us – affects far more people in mainstream Christianity than the Hebrew Roots Movement will ever touch.
Jesus came to set us free in love, acceptance, restoration, and life in the Spirit, at peace with our Creator and each other. And in our human need to control and protect, we built more walls to train more Pharisees like the ones who schemed until they had Him hanging on a cross. Any time you have a group of people who believe they are the only ones who are right, you will have a religious zealot problem on your hands.
Hebrew Roots followers exemplify this unfortunate divergence from the love of Christ quite frequently, but this situation can create unexpected traps for those suffering from their attempts at coercion. The biggest mistake we can make in confronting them is to become like them. I will say this presents the biggest challenge for anyone who lands in a spiritual conflict of any kind. I cannot give you any sure fire scripture or argument to prove someone wrong. It’s really not hard to be right. We all think we are right. Jesus wants us to pick up our cross and be love instead.
Have a difficult person in your life, of any religious persuasion? Here are some ideas.
1. Respect their convictions. Just as you want yours to be respected. Even if you don’t get the same in return, treat them as you would want then to treat you. Don’t ridicule or belittle their ideas or practices. Make room for them to follow their conscience by deferring to their wishes for holidays or dietary habits. This does not mean YOU have to comply or go along with them if it is against your own convictions. But if you support and respect even while you disagree, this will send a message in itself. Don’t use your tolerance as a weapon in an argument (as in “you owe me”). Simply do it because it’s the loving thing to do.
2. Find ways to show love and support to the person in question that have nothing to do with religion. Outside the context of your differences, let them know they are loved.
3. Do not retaliate when you are condemned or attacked. Let them know you hear and understand, and respectfully express that their opinion does not define your worth or identity.
4. Seek the Spirit for your own strength daily to not fall into doubt about your own walk with God and His love and approval for you. You are in a war zone of spiritual influences that will seek to play on your doubt, magnify your short-comings, and leave you feeling like you are never enough. Getting pulled into verbal combat will only leaving you more vulnerable and feeling less worthy.
5. If you do break down and become angry and hostile (some days…the humanity bleeds through), apologize quickly and take responsibility for your own emotions. Do not blame the difficult person for “making you angry”.
6. Do NOT tolerate any form of abuse to you or your children. You can remain firm and loving, but do not stay in an unsafe situation no matter how persuasive, or how much authority someone claims to have over your life.
7. Talk about Jesus, His words, His actions, whenever appropriate in conversations about spiritual things. He is your Foundation, your Rock, your Reason for everything. Focus on the heart issues, more than the legal ones.
8. PRAY for the person you love. (This should actually be at #1). In praying for them, everything else on this list will become easier. Give them to God. You can’t fix them. You can only love them.
My heart breaks especially for the children caught in the middle. Your endeavor to show love in the face of all that is dark and harsh, will be a testimony to them far greater than any theological teaching you can give. Right now they may not understand why mom and dad don’t agree, but they will not forget the testimony of love and patient endurance
All of this is so easy for me to type. I have not often had the opportunity to walk this hard road. But Jesus did, and it is His example, and that of many persecuted believers worldwide, that inspire me to take a higher path, in His strength. I am aware enough of my weakness and limitations to know none of this would be my own first response. But there is such a great power in peaceful, loving resistance. I say resistance because we will not give up our faith for any Law. But let us not give up our love in the name of our faith, as many have done.
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them.
Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.
Live in harmony with one another.
Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight.
Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all.
If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.
Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”
To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.”
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Romans 12:14 – 21
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