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Posts Tagged ‘grief’

This week the world lost an incredible young woman.  She is the oldest daughter of one of my closest friends, a family that shared some of our crazy history, and that has stood by us in some really hard times.  We’ve both been through some trauma in the last three or four years.  We met in a home school group years ago and eventually formed a bond that survived all the religious transitions, moves, and family crises.  I guess we understood each other’s versions of crazy.  It’s hard to find friends like that.

Our kids grew, life changed, but our relationship often revolved around talking about our kids as they entered young adulthood.  As moms we share the joys, fears, struggles and frustrations.  We agonize over wanting to see our children come into their own, but it’s so difficult to make that transition sometimes.  We remember our own pasts.  We see them try to navigate the unknown territories and we hurt with them, pray for them, and then rejoice when the level places come in time.  Jessica had found her level place of a truly happy, thriving life.  Her last facebook post, “I. Love. My. Life.”  She had recently married the love of her life.

Jessica was always different, in a good way.  To say she was gifted would be an understatement.  When people would ask me to explain to them the benefits of homeschooling, I would say, “There is this one girl…”  And I would tell them about Jessica.  She learned Hindi, became a gourmet cook, was a horse whisperer, took up Krav Maga and became an instructor, worked on her own truck and motorcycle, and was one of the most gifted artists I’ve ever seen.  I knew her mostly through her mother after she left home, but I had (and have) the greatest admiration for her.  She was beautiful inside and out.

In reality, she would have been shown brightly no matter how she was educated.  I do believe being at home gave her the freedom to explore and develop in more ways than if she had been bottled up in a classroom.  But being at home also means the mother, teacher, mentor is deeply invested in her children on many levels.  Not saying it’s harder for one than another.  Just that it’s hard beyond words.  I have only come close to that edge and that was close enough.  My imagination carried me into that place I thought I might have to go, but we were spared.  Now my friend has been called to walk this road.

This past Monday Jessica was headed to work on her Harley, (yes, HER Harley) the bike she loved, living the life she loved.  A car pulled out in front of her and she walked into eternity at that moment.  I had been away from my phone for an hour (teaching my younger children) and when I came back to it my heart leaped into my throat as I read messages from so many people, and saw all the missed phone calls.  I called her mom, my friend.  Grief beyond words.  No words.  I went to be with her – although she had many friends and close family around her.  I just had to be there.  It’s all I can do.  Just be, and pray, and wipe away tears.

Tomorrow we gather to remember and celebrate her incredible short earth life of almost 25 years.  Her husband, parents, sister, extended family, friends, and Krav Maga community will mourn the loss together.  And then the next day, is Resurrection Day.  The New Day – and hope of Life and happy reunions.  As my own faith has been through the fire of testing and been dragged through the valley of doubt, this one thing – resurrection – this is the one truth that has kept me from dropping into the abyss of unbelief without hope.  And I cannot imagine facing a day like tomorrow without that rock of truth, that we are not just this body.  We are Life, His Life.

I may run out of things to expound on here on this blog because I’m not the same person that started writing here years ago.  I’ve moved on to other places and new vistas that have come after some deep valleys.  But one thing will not change.  The 8th Day is for Life.  Forever.  Rejoicing in the light of this, through the tears.

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Rejoicing In the Presence of Christ. Not goodbye, but see you soon Jessica

(For any who feel led to make a donation to help the family, a GoFund has been set up.  http://www.gofundme.com/FarewellJessica)

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